Bellydance...

robyn&lisa
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

Survived the show! Here's a pix of me and my friend Robyn in full regalia.

Dad & Daughter....

surreal
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

Here's my girl with her Daddy again. No one makes her happier!

Punk Rock Bathtime

punkrockbathtime
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

Inspired to post after a long hiatus. Funny how a random comment from someone on a blog posted almost 10 months ago can get the brain going. Reminds me that there is a whole world out there. So here is my beautiful girl, now over a year old, enjoying her bath. She grows ever more amazing. She RUNS (not walks) everywhere and currently has a black eye to show for it (she ran head-long into a book shelf!). She likes to hold the guitar pick and strum Daddy's electric guitar. She sings and dances. She is a world of joy. And very exhausting! I'm a bit fearful of what she is going to be like at age two. She goes to swiming lessons every Saturday (hence, her love of water) and Daddy swears he's gonna take her out on the surf board at the end of the summer once the ocean has warmed up a bit. She is a fish (note the fin on the top of her head...). I am working full time with the crazy drug-addicted teens and am happy to report that one of my client's recieved his high school diploma last night. I am also in rehearsals for a dance show in Portland, ME June 23, 24, 25. Whodda thunk that a little over a year after all that baby-weight I'd be comfortable baring most of my flesh in a belly-dance act? So that's me and my life right now. Just letting people know I'm still out there. Many of my friends are moving from blogs to "my space" but I have yet to catch on to that fad! As you can see, I can barely maintain this page, let alone a whole other venue.

Simply beautiful...

sorchavign1
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

Mamahood is a tough gig, but when your little one gets more and more beautiful each day, it all becomes worth it. Someday I hope I learn how to juggle better so that I can do things like be a mama and return to school for my PhD at the same time. Although I guess if I never return to school that's ok too, because being a mama is certainly teaching me more about life and what is important more than any college ever could. Sorcha is 4 1/2 months old now, laughing and smiling and responding to the world around her. My heart gets so full every time I see her eyes light up with wonder. I wish I was so fascinated with life at times. She has the ability to contemplate a piece of fabric for almost an hour at a time, putting it down only when hunger strikes, and then resuming her exploration of the thing after feeding. A handful of days ago, she could barely touch the floor with her tip toes when placed in her walker. Now, she makes tracks quickly flat-footed across the floor, and has even figured out how to back up and get herself out of a corner when stuck. Amazing! I am grateful to be a mom, even if it means sore nipples and sleep deprivation.

babyrow

babyrow
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

So I went downtown to a free concert in Monument Square, and for the first time ever, I noticed a unique phenomenon. Babyrow. There were TONS of young hip parents at the square with children of all ages including little babies! It makes me greatful to live in such a vital community where even parents have a life and get out and do interesting things. I vow I will not atrophy and waste away, living only a virtual life through the t.v. just because I have children. These fellow parents give me hope knowing that all this is possible. My wonderful little darling (pictured here in profile) and I just returned from a camping trip at Sebago Lake where we survived mosquitos, heat and humidity, and thunder showers all unscathed. And through it all, she smiled. Some parents have warned me that Sorcha is an easy baby, and that they will "hate to see your next one" because they are assuming our next child will be impossible. Dunno if I believe them, although I suspect that once Sorcha becomes a teenager, she will be quite the handful. Right now though, she is just too beautiful and sweet for words.

Aware...

eyes
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

So it really is true that somewhere around 6 weeks, babies "wake up." Everyday Sorcha astonishes me with discovering something new. Ok, so discoving that one can clentch and unclentch his or her fist isn't exactly a revolutionary concept, but what is amazing is the rate at which she seems to be gathering information. Can you imagine how smart we would all be if we continued to learn at the rate babies do our entire lives?

And so as we continue to develop our communication skills, parenting Sorcha becomes easier and easier. What is hard is when the outside world throws us a curveball, such as being sent to the ER for chest x-rays when Sorcha came down with her first cold only a week ago. The good news is that she is/ will be just fine. The bad news is that in my gut I knew this all along and wish I had not spent over three hours (and who knows how much money) hanging out at the ER just to be told so. Other than this, I have returned to work part-time and will bump up to full-time next week. If not for the cold issue, Sorcha seems to be adjusting to life at day care just fine. In fact, she seems to be appreciating the novelty of the high-tech toys they have there and the change of scenery. I miss her terribly at times during the day, but I love the flood of joy I am consumed with when I go to pick her up at the end of the day. So now the trick is to find balance and not feel guilty about having someone else caring for my child 40 hours a week. I guess it feels better knowing that this is the typical struggle a working mom goes through and that I am not alone in this. Supportive words of wisdom strongly encouraged.

The loves of my life...

jefandsorcha
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

My current favorite photo. My hussy and my baby. I get all oooey-gooey just looking at it. Figured I'd post something that makes me happy on this blog for once!

Topsy Turvy

notahatgirl
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

Well, I do not think I have post-partum depression, but I do admit to riding an emotional rollercoster on a daily basis. Life as I've known it has ended. When I go pregnant, I knew life would be "different" from a logical point of view, but I do not think one can predict how it will feel once one is actually there, actually a "Mom." I still do not know if I like the way my new life is evolving. But who really likes giving up sleep, sore nipples, having a limited social life, and smelling like stale milk? I know there will be better things in store for me/ us, but in the darker moments, it is hard not to think "Gee, my life wasn't so bad before. Why the hell did I go and do this?" Please do not misinterpret me. I love my new daughter to the point it is painful. And this too scares me. I do not know if I like it, but there is not much I can do to change it. Its like falling deeply in love when you least expect it. I am excited to go back to work in part because I know I will appreciate my time with her more. The flip side is that the idea of someone else caring for this tiny girl, who still feels like a part of my own body, is devastating. I got a tour of a child care facility yesterday and started crying when I thought about leaving her there (even though the facility is one of the best I've seen). The thought of leaving her anywhere, even here at home, while I go elsewhere is weird. I am hoping my work place will be agreeable to allowing her to come to work with me at least part-time. She loving riding around in her sling going every where I go. Anyway, suddenly everything is so much more complicated. I miss easy. I hope some day to have easy again. At least for a little while...

Anyway, this is a picture of Miss Sorcha Isis Jade at 3 weeks old, wearing a hat my friend Inge knit for her. She was born April 15, 2005 by cesarean at Mercy Hospital. Perphaps, at some point in the near future, I will blog in a bit more detail about her birth. For now, I just had to share some of my current existential funk with the world.

Two days until due date...

babyblues
Originally uploaded by Mysterious42.

and I am getting rather impatient. I have gained over 50 pounds and it feels like there is a hive of bees that have taken up permanent residence in my finger tips. Everyday it seems I get more tired and clumsy. If late pregnancy feels this crappy, I wonder what postpartum will feel like? Anyway, here's a picture I took of my toro the other day. I thought the composition was nice and worth posting. I keep challenging myself to write a 101 list about the positives about being pregnant, but I just can't seem to get past the "I'm too tired to think" stage. Words of encouragement are always appreciated.